The Enigmatic Excellency of Phoebe Bridgers
A blog or analysis or something
When I listen to Phoebe Bridgers’ Punisher (2020) I am transported back into myself. An album that has been here for me through perils and transitions, I cannot sufficiently stress the importance of Punisher in my life. When I am feeling lost or unsure or anxious or sad or lonely, especially lonely, I find Punisher.
Its dreamlike wandering explores a variety of subjects- love, change within the self, and our connections with art and artists (like Elliot Smith in title track Punisher, and Elvis Presely in Graceland Too). Bridgers’ writing style is simple and effective, with a mix of lengthy sentences and short profound fragments littered along her choruses in a style akin to an early Bob Dylan, but holds itself higher under an indie mystic. This advanced songwriting style is attempted and generally well performed on her first album, Stranger in the Alps (2018), but shows a larger plate of understanding in Punisher. It marks a departure from the girl-like twisty nature of Stranger in the Alps, as Bridgers’ life is changing as she develops as an artist through her twenties. I’ll be exploring two songs from the album that I think illustrate this maturity and total understanding of style, the beauty that can be made when an artist truly and fully finds (and believes in) their musical voice. In other words- A sad girl renaissance.
Title track “Punisher” is a love letter to a personal inspiration of mine and Ms. Bridgers’, Elliot Smith. “... [I] walk right by / The house where you lived with Snow White. I wonder if she ever thought / The storybook tiles on the roof were too much / But from the window, it's not a bad show / If your favorite thing's Dianetics or stucco…”. The relatability here is wild- the imagining of artists' lives, especially ones who have died. Bridgers also takes careful note to describe this imagining, with lyrical references to fairy tales, contrasted against a very real, sort of personification of the banal and commonplace “stucco” and “Dianetics”. A kind of chorus, “I love a good place to hide in plain sight / What if I told you / I feel like I know you? / But we never met….”. Accompanied by a change in the music, a visceral shift to the self, this line is the essence of song- describing the out of body connection to an artist you’ve “never met”, but one who has influence your own art so incredibly deeply, but alas, you mean nothing to them. It’s not so far as a parasocial relationship, it’s not utterly unhealthy, but instead the cannibalistic kind of love that fills your essence when art is able to move you so drastically. “And here, everyone knows you're the way to my heart / Hear so many stories of you at the bar / Most times, alone, and some, looking your worst / But never not sweet to the trust funds and punishers….”. Retellings of this love, artist to artist, shows Bridgers’ full admiration, “And here, everyone knows you're the way to my heart…”. The choice of words, “trust funds and punishers”, the choice to name her whole album off this line is an odd confession, as it is followed by the line “Man, I wish that I could say the same / I swear I'm not angry, that's just my face.” Bridgers does not believe she is the “punisher”, she's not the “trust funds”, but she’s not the person she believes is good either (Elliot Smith being this ideal, good artist/person). Finally, “A copycat killer with a chemical cut / Either I'm careless or I wanna get caught.” I think this line illustrates the connection to the artist within the self, she believes she's the “copycat killer” of Smith, “killer” or killing acting as a sort of metaphor for making music, she believes Smith’s influence on her is a part of her so deeply, that she cannot make music without acting as a sort of copycat, and she wants “to get caught.”
“Moon Song” is my favorite. I love it so much. “You asked to walk me home / But I had to carry you / And you pushed me in / And now my feet can't touch the bottom of you”. The swirling, droning, heartbroken instrumental immediately transports you back to the end of a relationship. The last month or so, when both people know it’s over, you can't bear the weight of each other, “...I had to carry you…”. Giving and taking in love, Bridgers writes from the perspective of the giver. She was pushed into the relationship, and now she is drowning in her partner, she feels lost, can’t find her way through, “...my feet can’t touch the bottom of you…”. This lost sentiment came from her partner’s infidelity, “You couldn't have, you couldn't have / Stuck your tongue down the throat of somebody / Who loves you more”. Interestingly, it’s not the act itself, as implied through the line “who loves you more”, which indicates that the most hurtful part of the cheating was that it took place with someone who loved her partner more than she. The violence implied through “stuck your tongue” also shows her disgust towards the act. She could have said kissed, but instead it’s got an air of meanness, of unforgiving betrayal. She also doesn't believe her partner could have done this, she thought of their love as impenetrable. “So I will wait for the next time you want me / Like a dog with a bird at your door”. Comparing herself to a dog, waiting for her owner, doing all she can “with a bird at your door” to prove she is worthy of their love. The work, sacrifices, all the love she has for them doesn’t seem to be enough for them. This all-consuming love and the betrayal of said one-sided love returns later in the song, “But now, I am dreaming and you're singing at my birthday / And I've never seen you smiling so big / It's nautical themed / and there's something I'm supposed to say / But can't, for the life of me, remember what it is.” Bridgers’ partner only loves, or has time for her in her dreams. In her dreams, she is not the one sacrificing anything. The return of “nautical themed” plays back into the drowning metaphor at the beginning of the song, and the unknown (or the forgetting) of what she’s “supposed to say” nods to the kind of childlike sacrifice, do-anything-to-be-loved mentality that is riddled throughout almost every line. “And if I could give you the moon / I would give you the moon / You are sick and you're married and you might be dying / But you're holding me like water in your hands”. Again, she would do anything for their love. The most important line of the song, “but you’re holding me like water in your hands” illustrates the inevitable demise of the relationship. It was never going to last, she was always going to drown in the hands of her love, her oppressor. No bird, no moon, no amount of sacrifice or gesture could save her. The final line of the song, “When you saw the dead little bird, / you started crying / But you know the killer doesn't understand”. Obviously, Bridgers is the killer. I believe the “dead little bird” is her love objectified, which by trying to bring to her partner (over and over again) she killed. “You started crying”, as her partner acknowledges they understand her attempts at showing love, but signals they never asked or cared for them. The blood is on her hands, but still feeling like the victim of the relationship, she doesn’t (and can never) understand that her sacrifices never mattered to him.
Honorable mentions from this album:
“If you’re a work of art, I’m standing too close. I can see the brush strokes.” From “ICU”
“I’m always pushing you away from me, but you come back with gravity. And when I call you come home, a bird in your teeth.” From “I Know The End”
“Said she knows she lived through it, to get to this moment.” From “Graceland Too”
“I want to believe that if I go outside, I’ll see a tractor beam coming to take me to where I’m from, I want to go home.” From “Chinese Satellite”