Nothings and Other Recent Worries
A little blog
I’ve been writing songs again and it makes me feel weird. What used to be poems or short story ideas have spun into songy-nothings. On the other hand, I didn’t think I could write songs, but it feels less restrictive in some ways than literary writing. It’s easier and harder. “It’s paradoxical, but yet it works”. I guess. I’m not sure if they’ll be anything someday. I don’t know, we’ll see what comes of it. Nothing comes from nothing, you can’t expect anything else. So I’m going to keep working on songwriting…
I’m taking a semester off school because whomp whomp- I failed a class. Failure. Boohoo. Nothing new I can write about failure. “I tried.” Well, I tried nothing. Meaning that I feel sometimes as though I have no real work ethic. Surprising, because I’ve been working since I was 14 and a half. But maybe I’m just missing a fire under my ass. I’ll find it, I’ve found it before. Right now there’s nothing but ashes. I’m not going to use a phoenix as a metaphor but you get my point.
I wrote a story last semester called “What You Have To Do”. It’s 40 pages and very dark and I think it's pretty funny. I’m hesitant to put it up here though, I cannot tell if it is nothing . It came out of a weird time in my life, part of the time in my life that led to my aforementioned failure. I find it hard to describe, and think about. It might be the best thing I’ve written so far. It could also very possibly be the worst thing I’ve ever written too.
The final nothing worry I have today is ending up like Hannah from HBO’s Girls. Evidently, I say this well writing another blog post about myself. But I’m still scared. I think this probably ties back into the failure thing, “Girlfailure” seems to be becoming a common thing on my Substack… don’t read too much into it.
Happy summer!!!!! Sunscreen everyday