A Holiday Gift Guide For The Girl You’re Deeply In Love With
A mini-listicle
With Christmas just around the corner, here are a few last minute gift ideas for the girl you’re deeply in love with.
1- A heartfelt letter containing multiple confessions of love
The one thing the girl you’re deeply in love with is looking for this holiday season is some validation on her appearance. Whether she’s a class crush, an acquaintance who posts really funny Instagram stories, or your ex, she is surely dying to hear that someone is in love with her. Take the proposal season from Pride and Prejudice (2005) for inspiration if you have no idea where to start- insult her family, tell her she’s poor, maybe sprinkle in a little “you self diagnosed yourself with Autism because of TikTok” to modernize it, but make sure to tell her that you still love her anyways. What a good person you are!
2- DIY lobotomy
This one works better if the girl you’re deeply in love with lives with you, but I suppose if you can find a way to get her into your dirty apartment with three roommates it would work too. All you need is a semi-comfortable chair, a couple pressurize-able metal pipes, and a really trusting woman. A DIY present is always a good, thoughtful choice, and a lobotomy is a wonderful way to get that bonding time in with your special someone. Who knows, if all goes well, the girl you’re in love with may have her brain chemistry altered, and you get to know a whole new person. Radical!
3- Unofficial, Unlicensed Celebrity Merchandise from RedBubble
The girl you’re deeply in love with has weird hobbies. I get it. Being a modern woman calls for modern coping mechanisms- however strange the celebrity obsession may be. A gift showing you know what famous person they like signifies that you care. I’ve included a few options for your convenience…
A sexy Nathan Fielder tee sporting a Mitski lyric is the perfect present for the girl with an odd sense of humor. Every time she wears it, she’ll be reminded of the only man worth fighting for- no, not you, Nathan Fielder. Obviously. Available in many colors, this shirt is sure to attract a perfect level of attention when worn to the right place. If she wears this to a local show with at least one mediocre psych rock band on the lineup she will leave with more bitches than you.
This Jacob Elordi tee is perfect for the unpleasable cinephile bisexual she/they who begged everyone she knows to see Saltburn (you should watch it if you haven’t yet). You could also just get an eyebrow piercing- because if you really love her, YOU COMMIT TO THE BIT. She might call you a trend hopper and she would be right, but you’re trying your best. She will definitely ask you if you understood Saltburn, to which you’ll falsely reply “Yes”. Don’t worry, she’ll do the same thing with Ex Machina (2014). Be pretentious Letterboxd users together this holiday season!